and i feel better.

sometimes when i look at other people's pictures i think how i would like to have every type of camera possible. how i wish i had a fancier one than i do while i've been traveling this past year.

but then i think how lucky i am to have any camera at all. i remember that i'm not always super good at bringing it with me or taking photographs (other than in my mind) because i'm usually to busy, distracted, lazy or embarrassed to take it out. i don't think i deserve a fancypants big girl camera if i can't even fully appreciate the one i have. i think about how i have hundreds of pictures from more places than most people will ever get to see.

and i feel better.

sometimes when i read other people's blogs i think how i would like to be more consistent with posts and how neat it would be if lots of people flocked to my blog.

but then i think how lucky i am to be able to blog at all. to have the luxury of free time and the gift of being able to write and express myself. the freedom to do so. i think of how no matter how infrequently i write or how self-indulgent or terrible it may be, my mother will always read it. i'll always have at least one reader in the form of my biggest fan.

and i feel better.

sometimes when i'm out on tour i get so sad that i'm not home and with the people i love and care about. i get sad that i can't maintain a normal relationship and have sacrificed more things than i ever thought i would. i start to get anxious and fearful.

but then i remember i am living my dream. i have made it to a place in this business that too few people see at an age that is going to allow me to keep moving forward. i think about how someone is paying for me to see the entire country and how i have learned who is really important in my life and who will be patiently waiting for when i return. how i'm finally starting to figure out what love means. how i know all i need is to take a deep breath.

and i feel better.