good great grand amazing

it is GOOD

when a producer stops as he's walking toward you

shakes his fingers at you and looks as though he's trying really hard to remember something

(in most cases he will be trying to remember your name..)

and then announces that he was just thinking of you when discussing a new show.

it won't be for a year or so, he says.

"but i thought of you right away."

it is EVEN BETTER

when your friend and cast mate

who plays your 8 year old sister

somehow manages to get her bra

(which she was not wearing because we have specific ones for the show)

which happens to be black and lacy

attached to the back of her skirt and does an ENTIRE SCENE

in front of several thousand people

with it hanging off of the back of her.

yep, last night was all around amazing.

<3

it's time for a..

Grateful List!

this is my favorite activity ever!

okay, let's see...

i am GRATEFUL:

1. that i have the freedom to make choices

and then actually make those choices as opposed to becoming indecisive or stagnant.

2. that i'm living my dream every single day

and am in love with my "job".

3. that i have a healthy, strong, sexy body.

4. that i can communicate what i want and what i need.

5. that i will be able to grocery shop and cook in less than a week's time!

6. that i don't waste my time and i don't waste anyone else's time.

7. for my future dog(s) even though i haven't met them yet.

8. that i have the ability to learn whatever i decide i want to try.

9. that i have kind, strong, supportive women in my life.

10. that so many new adventures are on their way to me.

i swear making lists of things i'm grateful for makes my heart fill up and guarantees a great day. it's sort of impossible to focus on anything negative when you count your blessings.

try it <3

what are you grateful for?!

made this at work tonight

a case of the sixes

i am constantly overwhelmed with surprise

at how incredibly quickly i turn into a child

once i'm at work.

(okay, sometimes, a lot of the other time, too.)

the show started at 1 and by 1:05 i was sprawled out on the floor,

kicking my legs and yelling about how i was NOT going on stage

and NO you can NOT make me!

and sporadically giggling in between

because it was just so darn funny to me.

hannah played along, too

and started yelling back how she would drag me on stage by my apron

and i was gonna go whether i liked it or not.

(our poor dressers must really think we're crazy. or six.)

this is when i got the brilliant idea

that i will dress as a child star for next halloween

and just wear regular clothes,

big sunglasses and hold a starbucks cup

and yell a lot and make wild demands.

BRILLIANT, yes? YES.

i also tend to wear a piece of my costume backward

so it resembles a cape (i love capes almost as much as tiaras)

and tear through the hallways

and telling people i am Super Shprintze

or a QUEEN and in that case, i have hannah hold my cape for me.

naturally. queens always have cape holders.

some people aren't in touch with their inner child at all

mine just isn't inner at all.

hmm..maybe THIS is why i never have a boyfriend?

;o)

and, now

the calmness of my heart and mind clearing

(that i have to patiently wait for every time)

just happened this morning.

and now, i remember.

the only choice is love,

we are all so connected

and the little things that affect us

don't matter as much as we let them.

so i will let them go.

today is gonna be so good

i can hardly wait :o)

oh, hey part 2

i know.

you're confused.

you're generally the stupidest person i know

(when it comes to these things)

so maybe this can help:

i'm sitting here

post-party

feeling just awful

when my life is so amazing

i think people would sell their first child

just to trade me.

i shouldn't feel awful.

and generally, i don't.

but tonight was really rough

so naturally i want to pick up the phone and call you

and tell you about it

and hear your stupid voice on the other end of the line

so that i'm guaranteed to feel better

even if the world is literally falling apart.

i said i wouldn't ever really need you

except once in awhile i would

and you said okay, you would be there when i need you.

and you wrapped yourself around me and we went to sleep

and i believed you.

and then you went and pulled the rug out from under my feet

and i'm pretty sure that now i wouldn't be able to find you even i tried to.

i think that you think you didn't do anything.

you may be slightly aware that something is wrong

but probably have no idea why i'm so upset or why i'm not talking to you.

you let me down so far that i have to find my way back up.

you played pretend when i wasn't playing pretend.

i do that for a living, i don't need to do that in my real life.

it may seem like nothing to you but it's everything to me

and it's enough that right now, i'm sitting here, wishing i could call

and i can't.

and because of that, i can't answer you or talk to you or be with you.

and i hate that more than you ever possibly could.

i hate feeling like this.

(but at least i'll go running entirely too much and look really good.

i mean, that's a definite bonus to my heart hurting.)

do you get it now?

oh, hey

note to all men:

when you take your girl for granted

and let her down big time

and, even worse, when you do it via email

the correct thing to do is definitely NOT

waiting two days and messaging said girl

with a random sentence.

don't bother trying to test the waters

to see just how bad things are.

the waters don't want you testing them.

the waters are doing just fine on their own.

you have to fight for what you want.

okay, great.

glad we had this little chat.

"never compromise yourself.

you are all you've got."

- Janis Joplin

a love letter to my job

i'm not sure if you know,

but my job is very different than your job.

my job is the only workplace where:

1. my co-workers and i spend all of our time together outside of our work environment.

2. we live together, eat together, sleep together, travel together and play together.

3. we do not have any other important people around like friends or family.

4. we have worked together across the country and throughout canada.

5. we see each other naked. all the time. it's actually part of our job to change our clothing in front of one another and we even have other people who are hired to help us.

6. we have conversations with our co-workers while they are in the shower or on the toilet.

7. we know the details of who is sleeping with who, who is mad at who, who caused the current biggest drama, who is sick and with what and what bodily functions they have going on.

8. we celebrate birthdays and holidays with each other.

9. we speak in a strange language with words like "EPA's" and "ECC's".

10. it actually DOES matter what you look like, sound like, move like and how old you are.

11. we spend half our time pretending to be other people.

12. we are all somewhat selfish by nature and are completely okay with it.

13. our career goals, to an extent, are more important than almost everything else.

14. we can wear absolutely anything we want to our work place. anything.

15. we are very often given free food and free alcohol in exchange for spending time with strangers.

16. we did not choose our career, it chose us. and for most of us, it chose us at a very young age.

17. thousands of people pay money to watch us work.

18. our work day usually starts around 7 pm and ends around 11 pm give or take 30 minutes.

19. waking up early means being up by 10 am.

20. saturdays and sundays are our busiest work days of the week. monday is a breeze.

it's a strange existance

and i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

not for stability, not for "normalcy", not for the comfort in knowing where your next paycheck will come from, not for all the things we miss being away from home, not for the people we lose because they can't understand our work and not for an easier lifestyle.

after about 13 years of being in theatre and

after 18 months of doing the same show 8 times a week,

i still get the biggest rush and the fullest heart

from performing.

my first true love.

rocking out in 1905

today is one of those days where i'd rather not listen to fiddler on the roof.

unfortunately, that's the show i'm currently in so i don't really have a choice.

so on days like this, when i am ready to never hear the soundtrack again,

i bust out my little secret weapon:

headphones.

and everything is totally cool :o)

[can people at regular jobs do this?

can you guys just bust out headphones and put them on?

or would that be a big no-no?

regular jobs fascinate me!]

i am grateful for little distractions.

xo

p.s. isn't this little girl the cutest ever?!

i may be in love with letterpress

this past weekend i went here:

it was swell. it was more than swell.

i had to practice not yelping and jumping around a lot but i did twirl a little bit as twirling is almost always completely necessary and acceptable.

this little shindig also gave me a great opportunity to use some self-control

because i wanted to buy almost everything i saw.

for serious.

so instead, now i am just sitting around looking at the websites

of basically every designer that was there.

a lot of the booths provided really good gift inspiration and i currently

need to figure out gifts for, oh, around 72 people,

it was a great chance to get my mind moving.

now i just need to make a plan and place some orders.

did everyone know this craft fair existed except me?

going to this also gave me a chance to finally play in williamsburg

which i have only been dying to do forever.

i had my very own williamsburg friendly guide to show me around

and he did a darn good job if i do say so myself.

anybody who will drag you up onto a roof and make you climb through wires

to show you a beautiful view of the city below is alright with me.

in other news, i only have three weeks left of my tour.

i feel like it was only last week that i finally fell in love with touring.

my sense of time is completely warped.

i was trying to figure out when i got my iphone and thought

it was about 6 months when really it was a full year ago.

your brain changes on tour, i swear.

this is really a greatgrandgood thing

but sometimes it makes it harder to relate to non-touring people

and function in "regular" society

(i.e. what do you mean no one will just clean my room for me?)

and i have certainly seen the affects it has taken on certain people as of late.

however, i love it so much and if me being on tour is too much for a person

then that person is just too much for me.

so tomorrow i head to toronto

and cleveland next week for a two weeker

and then.. then it's back to new york

and on to new adventures.

xo

i say..

[*ahem. i suggest reading the post below this first if you haven't already.]

fuck what they say.

be yourself.

be needy when you need to be needy.

be independent when you need to be independent.

let whatever happens in between, happen in between.

he will either keep up

or he won't be able to handle it.

and wouldn't you rather know if he can't handle you

from the start instead of at the finish line?

or, even worse, after the reception line?

my girlfriends and i talked tonight about acting like a "girlfriend".

what does it entail?

do all of the "girlfriends" we know share the same traits? (yes)

should one act a certain way because that leads to being treated like a girlfriend

and that leads to being in a relationship? (maybe)

should you ever act like anyone you aren't? (no!)

i am who i am,

i can't help it.

i happen to think i'm particularly

awesome

and am in high hopes

that he will be able to handle the awesomeness

and if not, that someone else will.

they say..

be independent.

be strong on your own.

learn how to take care of yourself

so you never have to rely on anyone.

men love strong, confident women.

but who cares what they think, be confident for yourself

(that will definitely get you a guy).

do what makes you happy,

don't make time to fit them in,

don't look busy, actually be busy.

don't let men pay

or lift things

or help you.

show them you don't need them.

(then they'll really need you!)

then they say

but let him do things for you once in awhile,

after all, a man needs to feel needed!

let him build you something or fix something.

those are manly tasks!

let him think he's totally in control.

maybe even let him help you figure something out

even if you already figured it out!

men need to feel like men

so you need to be a woman.

a woman should

be smart but not too smart,

be available but not too available,

be skinny but not too skinny,

be pretty but not too pretty,

be perfect.

just whatever you do, don't be needy!

heavens, no.

unless, of course, he needs you to need him.

in that case, be needy but just enough

that he doesn't get nervous.

because God forbid he find out the truth:

you do actually need him

but only sometimes.

being independent can be exhausting

and even when you're wildly busy

you still think of him the whole day.

on the day he crawled into your heart

you knew you were screwed

and no matter what, you can't get him out.

that yes, women have guys that are strictly hook-ups

but no, he is not one of them.

God forbid he find out that your life is really amazing

and still, you are happiest when with him.

no, ladies, no.

don't let him know.

he'll have nothing to chase

and men love a good chase.

simple, right?